bell hooks

We can never get enough of her.

When you are at school or work, do you get frustrated because things don’t seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that–goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn’t unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen–to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

First of all, let’s define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective. She contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don’t follow me, I’m lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you’re headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization’s goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It’s about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you’re subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other bases of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people.

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve required of leaders? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now. Take your stand and be a leader today.

Everyone, at some point of their life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn’t fantasized about being center stage, bowing to audience applause? Who hasn’t dreamed of being the class valedictorian or an award-winning author? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?

Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that–dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing.

But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.

The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can’t do this. It’s too hard. It’s too impossible. No one can do this. However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment.

Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumblebee, no one has told it so. So fly it does.

On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible. If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging to the impossible dream.

Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ‘you know you can do’. Under another header, write the things ‘you might be able to do’. And under one more, list the things that that are ‘impossible for you to do’.

Now look at all the headers and strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things ‘know you can do’. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly are able to check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header-the one that reads ‘you might be able to do’.

As all of the items you wrote under things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are ‘impossible for you to do’ to the list of things ‘you might be able to do’.

As you continue through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begin to seem possible after all. You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic.

Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned.

On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities.

Ask any gym rat and they will tell you that there can be no gains unless you are put out of your comfort zone. Remember the saying, “No pain, no gain”? That is as true as it can be.

So dream on! Don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible.

The word “love” is thrown around like a ragdoll, so much so that what it comes to true, deep, meaningful and engaging love, most folks don’t have a clue. Recently, I came across this quote:

Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. +M. Scott Peck

Ah ha! I found it. This is the (at least for me) definition of love. Love is not a noun, or a ragdoll, it is a verb, an action. You have to do love–cultivate, nurture and sustain it. It isn’t a thing that you sit on a shelf and admire, dusting off occasionally to show guests.

How many of us can say that we are willing to do what M. Scott Peck defines above? How often do you extend yourself, not just to others, but to yourself? What does it mean to do so?

I take it to mean that we knowingly go outside of our comfort zones and make, oftentimes uncomfortable, contact with others, our emotions, and desires in order to move beyond what we thought was possible. Yes, love includes caring, respect, and above all, honesty, but it’s more than that. In order to be able to truly loving, we must really take the time to examine ourselves, but most people won’t take the time to look into that proverbial mirror. Why? Because they are scared of what they might find. It’s a lot easier to make decisions based on the superficial, than it is to invest time digging deeper and let’s face it, we are a complacent and easily-pacified culture.

Besides, what in society inspires us to look inside ourselves or look past the mundane? Everything around us tells us that it’s all about the new and the now. The world is so fast paced, and we are so busy trying to keep up, that we lose track of who we are and what’s truly important. How, then, can we truly know love? How can we develop the meaningful relationships that foster and encourage love?

Sometimes, it is when we are in the most desperate, confusing, emotion-filled and trying times in our lives, that the opportunity to get to truly know ourselves emerges. It’s within this confusion, that our true selves often materialize. Seeking answers to our outward issues is often the catalyst for introspection.

I write this because I know that I do not live in a vacuum and someone reading this is either in the process of asking themselves these same questions or should be. I write this because I know what it is like to not love myself or truly love others. I write this because I  have interviewed quite a few young women who answered either “No” or “I don’t know” when I asked them if they loved themselves.

Knowing how to love isn’t intrinsic, it’s learned. You can always choose who to love, but if you don’t truly love yourself, who’s going to love you?